batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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