I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
