Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
