Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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