dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
