She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
