marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
