Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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