i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i believe in u and ur pee
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
