were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
