Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
