We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't turn off my feet"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
