The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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