Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
