If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
