Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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