It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize