bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
