So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
