i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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