Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
