I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
