she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
