She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize