Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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