I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
