i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
