So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
