Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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