i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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