how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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