As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
