I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
