Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
