You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
