If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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