True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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