My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
