I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
