i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
