sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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