I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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