I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
