so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
