i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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