its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
