Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
