we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
