Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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