Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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