What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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