It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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