By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
