What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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