In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
