It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
