I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
