someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
