Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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