I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
