I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
