I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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