i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
