tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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