Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
