Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
