Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
