Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
