Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
