Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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