She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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