im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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