im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
