so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
