Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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